i love you tiger millionaire
- Immortal Hammer -
Three days of straight walking was starting to wear on the young prince, and his current companion was anything but chatty. In fact, he’d barely uttered a single word the entire trip thus far. He was a strange immortal knight to be sure. Instead of carrying a bladed weapon like most knights, he carried only a single enormous war hammer with a pommel shaped like a lightning bolt. The only other remarkable characteristic was a pair of goggles he wore on his forehead. When the prince inquired about them, he simply replied prescription. The thing that troubled the prince was that being fairly well versed in the goings on of the Immortal Army, it vexed him as to why his mother would send such an unremarkable knight on what seemed to be such an important quest.
His musings were quickly put on hold when the prince looked up and saw that they had come to their first hurdle. The HEXA-HILLS. These hills were unlike any other geographical feature in all the kingdom. His father had explained that all of the vegetation that covered the hills had a unique element that interacted with light, and when the wind flowed through the foliage, the light would refract and give the appearance that the hills colors were in constant flux. The King had only taken him to see them once, but at the time he had said that the prince was far too young to traverse them, due mostly to the immense danger that lurked inside the rolling hills.
The hammer wielding knight also suggested that they go around the hills due to the immense danger, but the prince thought that was lame. The long way was much safer, but it would also add 3 extra days of walking to their trip, and the prince was already so tired of walking. So they proceeded into the hills with strangely little resistance from the knight. The prince however, instantly regretted this decision. What he didn’t realize was that while the hills were mesmerizingly beautiful from afar, they were overwhelmingly disorienting when you actually had to pass through them. The constant light refraction off of every single surface made a sort of rotating color pattern that never stood still. It gave an adventurer the sense of being underwater at all times, while simultaneously making it impossible to spot any incoming enemies because the scenery seemed to be in constant flux.
After 3 hours of walking (and the prince throwing up twice), the two sat down to take a much needed rest in a patch of land they found that was thankfully devoid of any plant life. The break was short lived and the knight (who had now donned his goggles) dragged the groggy prince to his feet. They were only a couple steps back into the brush when the knight came to a complete stop. Without warning the knight drew and swung his hammer in one flawlessly fluid movement that catapulted a large bug like creature 20 meters into the air. It was then that the prince remembered why the hills were so dangerous. These hills were full of overgrown insects that over the years had developed the ability to camouflage themselves in the ever changing plant life. As abruptly and effortlessly as his last move, the knight grabbed the prince by his shirt and threw him into the air. As the prince flew through the air he saw the knight bring his war hammer to ground and 20 more large bugs were flung into the air due the shockwave created by the hammer.
The prince hit the ground just after he saw all the bugs scamper away. The prince got up and dusted himself off and was beginning to formulate the way in which he was going to chastise the goggled oaf who had just tossed him across the hillside when he noticed a massive shape emerging from behind the closest hill. The hammer was already jamming across the hilltop at a pace that was somewhat unbelievable for such a large man. The prince recognized the giant shape to be a MEGA MANTIS just in time to see its head caved in by the blunt side of the knight’s hammer.
The prince sauntered over to where the knight was standing, but just as he was in spitting distance, the mantis raised its head once more, and without even looking back the knight threw his hammer behind him and nailed it square between the eyes.
- Quantum Sword –
As The Prince stumbled down the hall, sleepily following the large bearded knight who had awoken him moments earlier, all he could think about was how he hadn’t been up this early in years and how much he hated it. It quickly dawned upon him that the bearded goliath was leading him towards the chamber where his mother and father used to conduct all their business. The THRONE ROOM. This was also the place in which he was usually reprimanded for doing all the things that they considered unbecoming of a prince. He wondered which of his many misdeeds his mother had found out about and would soon be reprimanding him for. He also wondered why this punishment was going to involve such a large immortal knight, and furthermore why it was taking place at such an early hour.
When they reached the chamber, the knight opened the door for him and led him inside. His mother sat in her usual place on her usual throne to the left of where his father usually sat. The prince found it unsettling to see his father’s throne empty. It had been two months since the king was assassinated, despite his snowflake dirge having only been performed yesterday. His mother had seemed extremely distraught to say the least. While the prince was also deeply saddened by the loss of his father, it was hard for him to garner the same emotions as his mother because of the terribly tumultuous relationship he had with his father and king.
As the two approached the dual thrones, the prince realized that his mother was clutching something in her hands. When they reached the foot of the thrones she opened her hand and revealed what looked to be the hilt of a sword. It was very plain looking except for a clear diamond that sat where the yellow crossguard met its brown grip. Without a word the queen handed him the hilt. It was unnaturally light, but at the same time he could feel an undeniable strength, which was quite odd considering the thing was bladeless.
I have a quest for you. The queen explained to him that he was to cross the vast lands of the kingdom to avenge his father’s death by slaying the Dark Rider who had killed the king. The prince was confused, how could he, a lowly noob of a knight defeat someone who had bested his father, who was the greatest fighter he’d ever known. The Queen explained that The IMMORTAL HAMMER (the knight who was standing with them presently) would accompany and aid him in his quest, and that the sword she just bequeath him would be unbeatable. The prince didn’t understand. This was no sword, twas merely a portion of one, but the queen had an answer.
Think of your father, and the anger you have for the one who slew him. The prince was puzzled, how would this help? He stood silent for a moment, and he thought of his father. At first he could only think of small things, then more memories started to come, and suddenly he started to recall things he hadn’t thought of in years. He forgot about the confusing and frustrating past couple years and started to recall all the amazing adventures his father had secretly taken him on when he was young (especially the ones that his mother had forbidden those were the best).
Finally the anger he had been holding back since his father’s death all came out. He looked down to see the diamond turn from clear to a glowing blue, and then he was engulfed in blue light. His mind was transported into bodies of other warriors. All of them fighting bravely in worlds that didn’t seem to resemble his own. One minute he was a green creature with four 4 arms talking to a sentient bag of gas, the next he was a 12 foot tall woman who was embroiled in a heated battle inside of a giant mechanized castle floating in space. Hundreds more followed, and they all had one thing in common. They all wielded a glowing blue sword.
In an instant he was back in the throne room. The prince looked down at the hilt he was holding in his hand, but it wasn’t just a hilt anymore. The glowing blue blade of his visions had sprouted from some spectral sheath. He looked up at the queen and she looked back at him. The awestruck prince demanded the meaning of the blade. Stone-faced, the queen responded …it’s our revenge.
this is a video of us recording at the church from a couple weeks back
also we’re releasing the first song from the new album on satuday
Travis helped Gnarboots out on percussion at the SLG Art Boutiki Star Wars show. If you go HERE you can watch the performance and see me get hair molested in the crowd.
WE ARE ALL GNARBOOTS